Since posts have been so few and far between recently, here’s a stream-of-consciousness reflection from attending Trans Pride last night. It may not be food related, but it’s something that’s been sitting with me for quite some time. Just be warned: it’s 5 AM and I’m running on 4 hours of sleep. Coherentness may be a little wobbly…
PRIDE WEEKEND // Braving a torrential downpour at Trans Pride last night was the very, very least we could do for our Trans, queer, & gender fluid siblings who experience daily threats of bodily & institutional violence. 😔There’s a lot of mixed emotions tied up with this weekend’s celebration: heartache, admiration, sorrow, and SO MUCH LOVE for beautiful and brave #QUILTBAG folx 😍 .
Since embarking on the new journey of gestation, I’ve had to take quite a few months off to focus on self-care. This is the first event that I’ve felt full enough–energetically, emotionally, physically–to attend since getting pregnant in January. Not being able to show up to rallies, gatherings, and community events has been a real struggle throughout this pregnancy. I’ve had to unpack a lot of guilt around what makes me a “good activists.” This transition into parenthood has forced me to think very critically and creatively about the different dimensions of activism. In forfeiting protests and direct action, I’ve gained a new skill in deep relationship building and intimate dialoguing for social change. I’m also so excited, overwhelmed, and absolutely terrified of the opportunity to activate as a parent–to decolonize our household, to disrupt mainstream, and to learn to question the world and make change alongside my child.
Nevertheless, showing up to Trans Pride was a small celebration of my own, as it symbolized re-connection to a central part of my identity as an activist. As I stood in the pouring rain, baby moving to the beat of Beyonce, I felt deeply centered in my belly. Not knowing the sex or gender identity of our wee one has been an important act of resistance for our family because it allows us to stay open and loving toward the many possibilities of our child’s gender expression(s).
With this comes great uncertainty. “Great” in the wonderful and immense. There is so much beauty in smashing binaries, redefining boundaries and not knowing. At the same time, leading with an ellipsis brings a fear of the unknown. Questions of safety, comfort, and allyship run through my head everyday as I prepare to embrace this new human in all of its complexities. I don’t fear what my child’s gender identity or sexual preferences are. Rather, I fear the world’s perceptions of those expressions and how it will shape this person’s ability and/or willingness to live authentically and for collective liberation.
Being at Trans Pride was a humbling reminder of how gorgeous the human form is and how terrifying systems and individuals who thrive off oppression are. The fact that we have to carry signs that remind people that trans rights are human rights is a testament to how dehumanzing and anti-trans our world is. The fact that folx turned out for Trans Pride, rain or shine, is a testament to community power, resiliency, and general badassery.
It was an honor to be able to show up and experience the cleansing rain at #TransPride. After the rain comes the rainbow. ☔️💦🌈❤️💛💚💙💜